How to Deal with a Sexless Marriage

So, you’re finding yourself stuck in a sexless marriage and wondering what to do next. First off, let’s get something out of the way—you’re not alone. So many couples, way more than you think, find themselves in this situation, and it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Whether you’ve been married for a few years or a few decades, intimacy ruts can sneak up on even the happiest couples. But the good news is that a sexless marriage doesn’t have to be the end of passion, love, or connection. It’s totally possible to find your way back to each other, and maybe even discover a new and better kind of intimacy than before.

Let’s dig in and talk about why sexless marriage happens, what you can do to fix it, and how to get both of you back on the same page—emotionally, physically, and yes, sexually.

Understanding the Reality of a Sexless Marriage

Before we talk about fixing it, let’s talk about what a sexless marriage actually is. Technically, experts define a sexless marriage as one where a couple has sex less than 10 times a year. But honestly, it’s not just about counting how many times you do it—it’s about how both of you feel about the lack of intimacy. Maybe it’s been months, or even years, and you miss that closeness. Or maybe one of you is fine with it, and the other isn’t. Either way, if it’s causing stress, sadness, or frustration, it’s something that needs attention.

A sexless marriage can happen for a bunch of reasons. Maybe life got busy—work, kids, family drama. Maybe there are health issues or medications that mess with libido. Or maybe, over time, emotional distance crept in, making physical intimacy feel awkward or even impossible. And of course, sometimes resentment or unresolved arguments simmer in the background, silently killing the mood.

Is a Sexless Marriage Normal?

Here’s the thing: while a sexless marriage isn’t something anyone plans for, it’s more common than people like to admit. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. It doesn’t even mean you don’t find each other attractive. But when it goes on for too long without talking about it, it can start to feel like this huge, invisible wall between you two.

Sometimes couples think, “Well, this is just how marriage is after a while,” and they stop trying. But the truth is, intimacy is like a plant—you’ve got to water it, give it sunlight, and pay attention to it if you want it to grow. And if you ignore it for too long, things can wither.

Why Does a Sexless Marriage Happen?

If you’re trying to figure out how to deal with a sexless marriage, it helps to understand how you got there in the first place. Every couple’s story is different, but some common reasons include stress, mismatched libidos, communication breakdown, and emotional disconnection. Sometimes, one person might feel rejected and stop initiating, while the other may feel pressured and pull away. Before you know it, neither of you knows how to reach out anymore.

It’s also important to mention that physical health plays a role too. Hormonal changes, chronic pain, medications, and mental health issues like anxiety and depression can all contribute to a sexless marriage. And if you’re dealing with any of these, it’s okay to seek help—whether that’s from a doctor, therapist, or counselor.

Can a Sexless Marriage Be Saved?

Absolutely! A sexless marriage isn’t a life sentence. But it does require effort from both people. If only one person wants to fix it, it’s going to be tough. The first step is to talk about it—and yes, that can feel awkward at first. But if you never address it, nothing will change.

Start with honesty. Not blame, not accusations—just real talk about how you feel, what you miss, and what you hope for. And listen to your partner, too. You might be surprised by what they share. Maybe they’ve been feeling insecure or worried about rejection. Maybe they didn’t realize how much it was affecting you. Communication is key.

Rebuilding Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage

So how do you actually start reconnecting in a sexless marriage? It begins with small steps. If you’ve gone months or years without being physically close, jumping straight into bed might not feel natural. Instead, focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy first.

Spend quality time together. Go on dates again—even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood or a coffee run. Hold hands. Hug. Kiss, without expecting it to lead anywhere. Sometimes, just feeling close in non-sexual ways can start to break down that wall.

Flirting is a huge one too! Remember when you used to send cute texts or compliment each other just because? Bring that back. It might feel silly at first, but that’s part of the fun—letting yourselves be playful again.

And when you do start to reintroduce physical intimacy, take it slow. Talk about what feels good, what you’re comfortable with, and don’t put pressure on yourselves to “perform.” It’s about connection, not perfection.

What If Only One Person Wants to Fix a Sexless Marriage?

This is tough, but unfortunately, common. What do you do if you’re ready to work on your sexless marriage, but your partner isn’t? First, be patient—but also honest about how this is affecting you. Sometimes, people shut down around sex because they’re embarrassed or don’t know how to fix it.

If open conversations aren’t working, consider couples therapy. A neutral third party can help you both figure out what’s going on and how to address it. Therapy can be especially helpful if there are deeper issues at play—like past trauma, resentment, or communication problems that go beyond the bedroom.

But here’s something important—your needs matter. If living in a sexless marriage is hurting you, don’t feel like you just have to accept it forever. It’s okay to want intimacy. It’s okay to ask for change. And if nothing changes, you’ll have to decide what’s best for your emotional and physical well-being.

Dealing with Rejection in a Sexless Marriage

One of the hardest parts of a sexless marriage is dealing with the rejection—whether real or perceived. If you’ve been turned down over and over, it can make you feel unattractive, unloved, or even angry. It’s so easy to take it personally, but often, it’s about so much more than attraction.

That’s why talking openly is crucial. Instead of assuming what your partner feels, ask them. Share how it makes you feel when intimacy is off the table and ask if there’s something they need to feel more connected.

Also, work on your self-esteem. Remind yourself of your worth outside the bedroom. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically, and pursue activities that make you feel good. A sexless marriage can chip away at your confidence, so give yourself some love and grace too.

Can a Sexless Marriage Be Happy?

Here’s the honest answer—it depends on you. Some couples are perfectly happy in a sexless marriage, especially if they’ve both agreed that sex isn’t a priority for them. But if one person is craving intimacy and the other isn’t, that imbalance can create resentment, sadness, and distance.

Happiness in a sexless marriage is possible if both partners are on the same page. But if you’re not, and one of you feels constantly rejected or lonely, then something needs to shift—whether that’s finding ways to bring intimacy back or having hard conversations about what the future looks like.

You Can Reignite the Spark in a Sexless Marriage

At the end of the day, a sexless marriage doesn’t have to mean the end of love, closeness, or even passion. It’s totally possible to work through this phase, but it starts with honest conversations, patience, and a willingness to be vulnerable with each other.

Remember, intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about connection, laughter, touch, and trust. So even if it feels impossible right now, taking small steps toward each other can start to open doors you thought were closed for good.

So don’t give up on your sexless marriage just yet. With time, effort, and love, you can find your way back to each other—and maybe even discover a deeper bond than you had before. And hey, if you ever need more tips or support, Duo Desire is here to help you along the way!

Frequently Asked Questions on How to Deal with a Sexless Marriage

1. Is a sexless marriage really that big of a deal, or am I overthinking it?

Okay, first of all — no, you are not overthinking it. If it feels like a big deal to you, then it is a big deal. Let’s be real: intimacy is one of those things that makes marriage feel like more than just a friendship with shared bills and laundry. It’s a way of connecting on a level that words just can’t touch.

Now, every couple goes through ups and downs — maybe there’s stress, health issues, kids, or work burnout. But if intimacy has been missing for a while and it’s starting to feel like a gaping hole, then it’s worth addressing. You deserve to feel desired and connected. So nope, you’re not being dramatic. You’re just human, craving something that’s natural to crave.

2. What if I’m the one who doesn’t want sex? How do I even bring that up without hurting my partner?

Oh, this is such an important one because not wanting sex can carry a lot of guilt — and trust me, you’re not alone in this. First thing: it’s okay if your libido has changed. It happens for so many reasons — stress, hormones, mental health, body image, or even just feeling disconnected emotionally. Instead of thinking about how to “confess” this like a crime, try to approach it as a loving conversation.

Start by telling your partner how much you care about them and how much you want to feel close, even if right now sex feels hard. Let them know it’s not about them being unattractive or unworthy — it’s something you’re trying to understand yourself. You might be surprised how much this opens the door to deeper conversations, and maybe even other ways to be intimate. And hey, if this keeps going on, no shame in reaching out for a little help from a therapist or doctor to see what’s up.

3. What if my partner doesn’t think there’s a problem, but I’m miserable without intimacy?

Oof, that can feel so lonely, can’t it? When one person is fine and the other is secretly dying inside, it can start to build walls — and maybe even a little resentment. The trick here is not to frame it as “You’re doing something wrong,” but as “I’m struggling, and I need you.” If you tell them from a place of vulnerability — like, “Hey, I’ve been feeling really distant from you, and I miss the closeness we used to have” — it can open a different kind of dialogue.

Sometimes people avoid the topic because they’re afraid of failure or rejection themselves. But when you say, “This is what I’m feeling, and I want us to work on it together,” you make it a team effort. And if they truly care, they’ll listen. And if they don’t? Well, then that’s a different conversation, but at least you’ll have clarity.

4. Can a marriage survive without sex? I mean, what if everything else is great?

This is one of those tricky, “it depends” questions. Some couples actually do make it work without sex, if they’re both genuinely okay with it. Think of elderly couples or partners with medical issues — if there’s deep love, laughter, companionship, and both people feel fulfilled, sure, it can work. But — and here’s the catch — both people have to agree and feel at peace with that.

If one of you is quietly aching for intimacy while pretending to be fine, that’s a recipe for unhappiness. So if you’re asking this question because you feel something is missing, then yeah, it’s something to address. You get to define what makes your marriage thrive, and if sex is part of that for you, it’s valid.

5. What if I’m scared to bring it up because I don’t want to sound needy or desperate?

Oh, friend, can we just agree that wanting intimacy doesn’t make you needy? It makes you human! We live in a culture that sometimes shames people for wanting connection, but guess what? Intimacy is a natural, healthy part of marriage. So if you’ve been stuffing down those feelings because you don’t want to “rock the boat,” I totally get it — but silence usually makes the boat rock even harder later on.

Instead of seeing it as a demand, think of it as sharing your truth. Like, “I’ve been feeling a little disconnected, and I miss being close to you. Can we talk about that?” Soft, honest, and totally not desperate. You’re allowed to want more from your relationship.

6. How do I know if it’s just a phase or a bigger problem?

Great question, because sometimes dry spells happen — life throws stuff at us: kids, jobs, illnesses, stress — and intimacy takes a backseat. That’s normal. But if “a phase” turns into months or years, and no one’s talking about it? That’s when you know there’s something deeper going on.

Also, ask yourself: is there emotional intimacy too, or are you feeling disconnected in all areas? Do you still flirt, cuddle, or laugh together? If all forms of affection are gone, that’s usually a red flag that there’s an underlying issue — maybe unresolved conflict, resentment, or even depression. So watch the pattern, not just the calendar. And hey, trust your gut — if it feels like a problem, then it’s worth exploring.

7. What can we do to bring intimacy back if it’s been gone for a long time?

First, let me say this — it is possible to bring intimacy back, even if it feels like it’s been lost in the Bermuda Triangle. The key is to start small. Don’t aim for fireworks on day one — sometimes just holding hands again is a big win. Rebuild emotional intimacy first — talk, laugh, share something real. Maybe even schedule “connection time” that’s not about sex but about being close, like a date night or a walk.

And when you’re ready, explore what makes both of you feel good — because intimacy isn’t always about the act itself; it’s about feeling desired, safe, and connected. Also, if this feels overwhelming, there’s zero shame in bringing in a couples therapist to help guide those conversations. And hey, sometimes reigniting the spark means trying new things together — being playful, adventurous, or just a little silly. You’re building something new, and that’s exciting.